We are surrounded by messages that tell us to drive this car or pursue that type of woman or listen to this guru because those things will make us happy. So much adult life is about those things that will poof into our world and make us shiny happy folks. Those external thing swill make us sexy, skinny, happy humans. I am here to tell you that is grade a horse-hocky, (As my grandmum was fond of saying.) We exist in a world full of grasping craving coveting people and the big secret is: You do not have to play along with them. You can play a different game, with transparency, no secret nonsense and awesome people. With all of this pressure to perform and conform our outlets to blows off steam tend to me a bit unhealthy. I for one drink too much wine. So this week I give to you: My No Bullshit Guide to treating your self in a healthy and productive way.
Principle one: Discover what lives at the center of YOU.
I don’t care who your parents told you you are. I don’t care who your boss or friends think you are. I want you to sit down for a moment, take some moments to reflect and ask yourself if you are happy. If you are one of very few who said yes, that is awesome! If you are one of the many who said “…well…no I guess not. But I would be happy if I had that thing/person/idea over there.”
No. Stop. That is some conceptual programming if I have ever heard it. You are not happy because we have no idea who we are or what we want. We cannot be because we have spent so much time filling our lives with stuff that the hasn’t been a moment to contemplate the heart, mind, or being. What do you think you really want? What would happen if you could take your self out for a cup of coffee this week? What sort of things would you ask each other? What do you think you would learn? What other relationship in the world is more important that the one with yourself? And yet we continue to drift out of touch with it. So your homework this week is to take your happy ass on a date. You are doing on a date with yourself, for yourself. I want to know what comes up for you. What sort if things do you enjoy? What makes you laugh? What makes you terribly anxious? Go date yourself, you will be an expert at the end.
Principle two: Stop judging yourself
We spend so much time telling ourselves all about our short comings. I like to tell myself I am a giant amazon woman who doesn’t know how to wear makeup and there are probably leaves in my hair. That sort of self talk is beyond pointless. None of those attributes are negative until I place that judgement upon them. So I am an amazon and there are probably sticks in my hair. So what? I a human being on a different journey. It truly is pointless to wind myself up with these fears that other people are judging me. No one is paying attention to you right now. Really. In fact they rarely are. Because they are all very concerned with the idea that someone is judging them. So give yourself a bit of a break. Your home work for this Treat Yo- Self week has to do with fearlessness. Out on a piece of clothing you think is amazing but while wearing it you are afraid of the attention. See how it feels when the behavior is validated. If someone says your shirt, hair, make up, whatever is some how against the social contract does it change who you are as a human being? No man, it doesn’t. You are free when you let go of judgement!
Principle three: Align your values
If in your external world you spend a lot of your weekends going to bars with friends and entertaining dates but inside your long to be a painter, that my friend is a conflict of values. Or perhaps a lot of your social group smokes a lot of ganja but you really don’t want to be around it, so to be polite you just don’t say anything. Values conflict. My question to you would be why? Who are you doing all of that external stuff for if what you really want to be doing is completely fulfilling to you? Normally that comes from the want to be polite or to not feel as though we are on the outside of our peer group.
Your homework for Treat Yo’ Self weekend is when all of your buds are getting ready to start the pub crawl, step outside your comfort zone and say “No thank you man. I have plans.” Then I want you to do whatever it is your heart has been craving this whole time. Maybe binge read a book, maybe take the dogs to the park, maybe even take a long nap. I will be curious as to how that feels!
I challenge you to get out there and look within and let me know what you find! Come up with your own exercises and solutions and get back to me! I am excited to see what you come up with this week. So many of us have angst within our hearts and bodies, we suffer inwardly at work and then come home to express to our partners the grouchiest grouch ever. Maybe they deserve a break to. So this weekend, Treat Yo’ Self to some time, to some introspection and some peace!